so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
