I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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