peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
