i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I am mentally ready for anal.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
