i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
