Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
