One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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