i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
