I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
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