Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
