It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
