WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
