everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
