I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
