dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
