i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
