The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
