For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
