I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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