A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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