You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
