Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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