you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
