the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
