You just made me feel so damn special
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
