there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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