never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
