Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
