last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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