i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
