Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
