i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
