the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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