??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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