I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
