white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
