someone threw a dead crab at me
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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