I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
