All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
