I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
