Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
