u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
how drunk are you?
Several
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
