You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
