Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
