Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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