jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
