Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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