so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
