I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
