Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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