how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
