I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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