how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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