Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
