Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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