if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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