That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
