I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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