Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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