Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
